10 Conversations You Need To Have with Your Children: Chapter 8

By Sheikh Idris Watts

Chapter 8: Love

You have to increase the gravitational forces that draw people together. Ask yourself, “How can I be closer to other people? How do I show my love? Even when people are mean to you, you have to learn to transcend it. Don’t become part of the negative forces in the universe because they undermine the very fabric of existence. Don’t join the forces of repulsion. Learn to win over the hearts of your enemies. Who is a great man? He who can make his enemies into friends! It is critical to make your children believe in love, especially if you have been divorced. Children of divorce tend to stop believing. They think they will wake up one morning and the sun won’t shine, or that the flowers won’t bloom in the spring. They are seriously rattled by divorce, because the two people whose union was responsible for their very existence have gone their separate ways.

Children from divorced homes are generally more cynical and reserved than any other children and they exhibit signs of hardness. They suspect that love is a myth. As they grow up, they find it challenging to extend themselves or to be selfless because they haven’t seen that type of behaviour work in their own homes. They have seen it not work and they have no reason to believe it will work for them. As they move toward adulthood, they are more likely to operate in a harsher reality. They believe that nice guys finish last, that no good deed does unpunished and that people are only altruistic when it suits them. A child without love feels abandoned and lost and very much alone in the world.

All relationships are like looking into a reflective pond. What you show others is what will be reflected back to you. If you show people love it will be reciprocated.

People want to love, people want to share love, people want to be close – that’s part of human nature. When they behave in a mean spirited fashion, they’re being untrue to themselves. All we need to do is to remind them of their truer self. It goes back to listening to the inner voice. If you are hurt, you will train yourself to stop listening to the inner voice.

Sometimes a parent will speak to the child from the depths of his heart and he will feel he is not reaching him. They might smirk and roll their eyes. But you have to keep going and not accept it. Children will push you and particularly when they are older. They are trying to cut the umbilical cord, trying to assert their independence, and that’s fine, but you can’t let it stop you. You have to remind them that they are your children and that you love them. You have to do this especially at times when they are determined to test your love. They need to hear it even when they don’t want to. They may scoff and try to reject you and tell you to leave them alone but you must not give in; to do so is to capitulate to their evolving cynicism.

You can spoil your child, but you can’t love them too much. They might not remember all the things you gave them, but they will remember the love you poured into their lives.

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